View Profile AlmightyHans
a Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "make me one with everything"

Hans Van Harken @AlmightyHans

31, Male

Joined on 8/6/04

Exp Points:
1,328 / 1,350
Exp Rank:
Vote Power:
5.36 votes
Town Watch
Global Rank:
B/P Bonus:
2y 11m 23d

AlmightyHans's News

Posted by AlmightyHans - October 24th, 2009

College has been making me it's fucking bitch. It's been tough for me to get used to the routine. I feel like I'm always busy with, but I'm not accomplishing enough. It could just be me, stressing when there's no need. I have trouble with that some times. It feels like it's just never enough sometimes. My effort I mean.

Anyway, enough of that emotional bullshit.

I still need more face scans for "The Faces of Newgrounds" collab. I think I'm giving it one or two more weeks of face scans sent to me. If I don't have enough, I'll just fade out the music.

I want to get that collaboration done, cause I've got a little something up my sleeve I've been working on for a while. Actually it's pretty big. It might happen it might not, depends on how I lay out my work load. With college getting in the way of so much and all. It's always nice to dream, though (insert cheesy, poetic tone). But I think I've finally come up with an idea for a series...

I've had this idea for a series for a while. and on friday i decided to make an intro for fun. So, just in case this project never becomes a reality. i'll post this intro here cause it wouldn't hold up as a submission on its own anyway.

Check out the intro here!

Below is a screen grab of the Faces of NG loading screen/ logo concept:


Posted by AlmightyHans - October 11th, 2009

At the very bottom of this post i linked the picture of my University Online account.


'The Faces of Newgrounds'

So, It helped that Tom mentioned the collaboration on his news post, but I still got about a minute worth of song left and need a good amount of pictures. Please, if you have a scanner and a face press them together and send me what you get.

I've been getting a lot of questions like: 'do I have to be popular to get in?'
answer: no, hat's silly, it's such a fine line between being popular and not anyway and it'd get all political and shit. You just have to have a newgrounds account. user, artist, whatever.


the point is to do something ridiculous.

think of it this way if you feel intimidated. Clowns dress ridiculous to make it clear that whatever they are doing is a joke. If you feel shy, just make it clear this is all for fun and your not trying to impress anyone.

whatever, enough of that collab for now.

p.s. I think I'm gonna be Hank from madness for halloween. like ninja-fied hank, but my live action version.

I thought this was funny. ALSO: UPDATES

Posted by AlmightyHans - September 25th, 2009

No, sadly i'm not dead.

I just started going to the Academy of Arts University in San Francisco, where I'm majoring in film directing, and boy is school making me it's bitch! So much so, to the point where it just didn't let me finish this little madness experiment on time for madness week. There is no way in hell I'd be able to finish it on time so i submitted it now :(

check out my madness day submission...

Nathanial Milburn wanted me to help him whore out his twin brother's project so check this out too!


i made a bad call on the cutting short the list of submissions. Yes, I'm still working on that. it's easy, but tedious. I'll have that definitely done before the year ends. Just give me some time.

I probably still need about 20-30 more face scans for the collaboration! So, if you got a face, and you got a scanner, submit your image. However, you must follow the following (uh...) rules clearly and specifically. They aren't hard, they'll just make it easier for me to put it together, thus finishing sooner, thus not having a problem linking each scan to the user's account.

here are the rules:

1. must be resized to fit in a 700x600 screen. basically any square sized smaller than that is good.
2. the file name must be your username. BUT spell your username the way it's spelled in the link to your NG account.

EXAMPLE: my newgrounds user page link is: www.almightyhans.newgrounds.com therefore, my file name is: almightyhans.png

3. your file should be saved as .png, or .jpg (for quality purposes)
4. try to make the weirdest possible face. be creative
5. host your picture on www.imageshack.us and PM me the link to the file. I'll just drag and drop into flash from there.

THATS IT! 5 easy rules.

anyways. Happy Madness day, or Merry Madness Day, or whatever it is you say on Madness Day!


picture below is at the london meet loving the castle crashers drinks...


Posted by AlmightyHans - August 24th, 2009

The gates are closed for "The Faces of Newgrounds" collab. no more faces (or balls) sent to me please. I'm pretty sure I got everything I need, if i Need more I'll let you all know.

I'm back from all the trips (Comic Con, Dallas, London Meet) and starting film school in about a week. I just moved to my new place in the city. I'm now living IN San Francisco now, as opposed to living in Berkeley. which if just the East side of the Bay for those of you who don't know. And it's really exciting. Just me and my brother in our own place. It's a new start, a new life. all that shit.

anyways... yada yada yada

(photo of me and Nathaniel Milburn below eating free ice cream just outside comic con)

News Post

Posted by AlmightyHans - July 14th, 2009

"The Faces of Newgrounds"

the collaboration is turning out to look like a lot of fun. however i chose a pretty long song and i need lots more faces for it. Just in case you didnt catch my previous post. rules are:

-you have to have a scanner
-you have to have a face
-you have to be a newgrounds user
-make a weird face pressed against the scanner
-name your file your NG username
-upload the file on imageshack.us and pm me the link

Been getting lots of people in on this. I'll put a list:


i could use a lot more, cause it's quite fast cutting and it's quite a long song. plus, with a project like this. the more the merrier. spread the word. as long as you got a scanner, it's really not much effort to contribute to this collab.

*update* as for coauthoring, i'm not sure how ill be doing it for sure yet. but for now, i'm not coauthoring anyone except the programmer who will help make the pause/play, account links, and other stuff. I might do something like coauthoring he funniest faces, but that's sort of relative and unfair, there's just so many people in on this.



p.s. only scan your face. i've received a scan of someone's balls. not pleasant. not at all. you're not allowed to enter if you do.

Posted by AlmightyHans - June 29th, 2009

first off, check out my latest movie, I just submitted it on sunday!

I'm starting a collab.

If you have a face, and a scanner, and are a newgrounds regular... you can be in this collab.

Similar to tom's "The Day Keanu Stood Still". I want to make a collab of a bunch of newgrounds users with their faces pressed against the scanner to a song. I have a few songs in mind but i want it to be a surprise what song i use when it comes out. It's a VERY simple concept for a collab but honestly, i think it'll be fun to see it done.

what I'll need"

-ONE scan of your face in jpeg/png. make sure you choose a good one. have your image not be so big, cause i'll need to resize it in flash and it will get pixeled. the screen will be 700x600 so basically, any size that can fit in those proportions.
-your newgrounds username. also, make the name of your file you username as written in your ng url. example: almightyhans.newgrounds.com
-that's it!


pm me all this info.

Posted by AlmightyHans - June 22nd, 2009

Hey Peoplez,

I Just wanted to throw the message out there and mention that I've submitted a good handful of stuff to the art portal. Let me know what you guys think. Especially the 'Joy' comic strip series I made (read those in order).

thanks a bunch.

P.S. I find it funny how the moment MJ dies everyone's all disappointed by parody videos. What ever happened to "die pedophile". You flip flopping fucks.

Posted by AlmightyHans - June 19th, 2009

So I got my wisdom teeth pulled out. It was funny. I won't be able to voice act for a full week so sorry to put anyone on hold further for those of you i owe lines. just like Tomamoto, don't hesitate to remind me. It's hard to do voices for lines with no due dates, so a good idea of when you need them helps.

I'll try and Cover

Anyway. It was hilarious when they were getting me ready for the operation. I was knocked out during the operation. but they strapped a tube over my nose to fill me with laughing gas first so i wont mind so much when they stab an IV into my arm. but i felt they put the tube over my nose for the 'laughing gas' kinda crooked. The plan was to fill me with laughing gas to that I wouldn't feel any pain or bother when they put in the IV. I didn't say anything, i feel intimidated by doctors, i mean, i just figure they know what they're doing and any mention of something could just make me look like an idiot.

So i started feeling a bit light headed, but not as light headed as i wished. You see when i was 9, i got operated and they missed my vein with the IV and i saw my arm get slightly inflated. I've been IV paranoid ever since. I watched the young doctor hold my arm with that big ass needle. "Oh, you have good veins" and she poked the needle right into my arm. It hurt. more than i thought. But at least the IV part was over. "Oops, where'd it go? Your vein just disappeared" she said. I didn't respond, but just wondered how in the world do veins vanish.

She poked again. And again. and again... i stopped looking at them poke after i saw some blood drops start to fill the holes the needle left behind. It was like they were voodoo torturing me but without the doll. i started laughing. cause i felt that tickling pain, the kind your body doesn't know how to react so it just laughs. "You starting to feel light headed, i see?" she asked, poking at my arm some more. "Honestly no, not at all." I wanted to respond. because I was only light headed like one would feel after one beer... which isn't much at all. My response to her comment was a little laugh.

"Okay, it's not working here. The Veins keep disappearing" she moved up to my wrist. I'd never seen anyone take the needly on the side of the wrist, like where the joint is. I heard my heart rate go up a little on that little beepity-boopity machine as she pushed the needle into the side of my wrist. I laughed a little harder than before. I couldn't believe putting the IV was so complicated. She told me to relax my wrist. As i did, I felt the needle raise my skin at the angle it was placed. Still laughing, I had to confess and said "That one kinda hurts". "It does? It's not supposed to... Well, you won't remember any of this anyway." Clearly I did... and it hurt... apparently they didn't have the 'laughing gas' up to the level necessary. lol.

So Tom made me an Art Portal Mod. I've never been a mod before, and we're all new to the Art portal, so I'm just gonna ask for people to give me a break at first. It'll take me a bit to adjust to this. especially with the wonderful pain pills i got for my missing wisdom teeth. Everything is nice and tipsy. But in good time I will be the most efficient mod ever. ;) Also, I'm incredibly excited about the Art portal. Congrats Staff dudes.

Congrats to Tomar, he just drove across the country with a friend of his and Arrived to LA, where he plans to live. He managed to make some time and visit the zany place that is San Francisco. It was the first time i met Josh in person. It was a strange feeling, i mean we chat it up on Skype a lot. like most people i meet in real life after already knowing on the internet. you feel like you know them, but not entirely. A lot of people are different in person than they are online. Not in Tomar's case though, he's an all around swell guy. For me, it was just breaking that first thin wall of awkward pseudo introduction. You don't know what to say cause he already knows you, but you got to start off somewhere. Anyways, It was me Tomar, Javier (an artist who has yet to submit to NG specifically but seems like he's got some great stuff up his sleeve), and Josh's friend who accompanied him through the vast voyage across the USofA. Meeting up with Tomar and his friends further increased my excitement for Comic con.

So, as far as I know. Tom Fulp let me go ahead and sell One Shot Comics at the NG/Behemoth booth at Comic Con, which i'm really excited for. I will be going to Comic Con with my Cousin from Mexico. Really cool kid, pretty active in the NG community, but as a user rather than artist. Awesome guy, non the less.

I'm are letting Nathaniel Milburn and a friend of his stay at our hotel room throughout the time. That will be fun. And some Dutch kid named "the stamp" or something. He hasn't fully contacted me and let me know more details and exactly all that info. so im not sure about him yet. If people are going to be at my hotel place they need to be efficient with all this info. I don't want to be responsible for any misunderstandings, especially if you're underaged and lost. i need to know this stuff crystal clear. Let that be a message for you my Dutch friend. and let this also be another message. 'I don't speak Dutch'.

So basically Comic Con is raping me violently in the financial asshole. I've been working my ass off painting bathrooms, gardening horrible back yards, and replacing old rotting wood porches. Trying to earn some money for the amount i'm loosing at comic con so I can actually have a decent amount to spend on good 'ol bloody expensive U.K..

I'm going to keep my word with saving all the money I make through the comics, strictly for the production of other comics. until i actually have an amount in that ODD Comics Bank Account to start using for external more personal uses. So it's not like the money i'll make selling comics at comic con is at all a boost for the London summer fling. I'm going to start going to the Academy of Arts in San Francisco starting September 3rd. I want to make sure I squeeze all the juice out of that lemon so I'll probably become more isolated to the Newgrounds activity, excluding moderating.

What this means is that I'll probably have a lot less time for NG submissions, but mainly... Probably very few, but most likely no NG meetups for me for 4 years. which depending on how these meet ups go... London Summer Fling might be my last meetup. Thats why I've got an idea for a music video/movie of the London Summer Fling. To add a sort of closure on my part. and thanks to Luis and everyone who's made these glorious events possible. so basically Luis...

Anyway, there's a good slate of projects that have been taking me a a lot more time to complete than necessary. Honestly. This past year, I've been loosing my mind and drive to work on the stuff i love. It's been a lonely, lost year (not to sound like a total pussy). But I'm hoping to get back on track mentally by going to the Academy of Arts and get my Film Directing Major. And make a nice closure to this horribly depressive year of mine with Comic Con and London Summer Fling.

that's it.

p.s. i made a tooth monster with my extracted wisdom teeth. (picture at the bottom of this post.)


Posted by AlmightyHans - June 6th, 2009

Hello everyone, S.P.L.I.T. Tech here.... oh god, forget it.

So here's my big confession. I am working on a project for the Power of three collab. I am (or was) a secret team. We planned to do a little viral marketing idea on the game, but that quickly fell apart. So we decided to come clean and cut the crap. If you happened to have run into some strange pictures with the hidden S.P.L.I.T. Tech symbol, well, that was our team's evil doings. We're informing Tom so he can put our team on the list now once and for all.


-Programmer / Canadian: Paperbat
-Art / Backgrounds: emanhattan
-Animation / Director: AlmightyHans


The main character (named: Subject 33) has been captured and experimented on in a secret facility. He has to use his normal self and 2 new forms to get across the facilities many doors and obstacles. And, ultimately, escape.


Side scrolling plat-former. Besides your different forms, an important aspect of game play is being quick and resourceful with the items around you.

There are 3 types of items: -melee -shooting -transport (super jump/grapple hook/ enhance movement). Each of the forms deals with the items differently. Items in the game break easily, and therefore are rendered useless. Forcing the player to not depend on their items and always think ahead of themselves.

There are 3 'levels', or in other words "floors", in the underground facility. You work your way up to the surface.

the last critical element in game play is a slow moving chain reaction of gas chambers catches up to you throughout the levels. So there is always the possible threat in the back of your mind to keep you moving forward, a "Gauntlet" if you will.

This is an action packed puzzle game that is meant to keep the player constantly on their toes.

I hope you all like the concept, so far.

Power of 3 Secret Team Revealed!

Posted by AlmightyHans - May 15th, 2009

At the end of last summer, just before the NG Meet-up in London. Around August, I was in St. Andrews, Scotland teaching a film course there. One of my students had a very ambitious project. And between me and my partner teacher, we decided to let him film a WW2 set movie. This of course obviously had to lead to teaching the kid a bunch of trickery and oh so awesome movie magic.

We prepared costumes and props, etc. Me and the kid went out to this really cool beach where an old castle was blown up and torn down by the rocks. we story-boarded and plotted and planned according to the environment of that local. We were finally ready to film and even got the friendly sandwich maker across the street to play a German soldier.

The day came and the crew carried the stuff down to the beach, me carrying a very large bucket of fake blood. Surprisingly enough, mother nature did what it does best to film makers and provoked a landslide on that beach, forcing it to shut down for the entire day. We felt for a moment that all hope was lost, but then it occurred to us to go to the next beach "West Sands" where the old 'Chariots of Fire' movie scene was shot. So i carried my bucket of fake blood for almost 2 miles to the next beach. it was a messy pain. the cops probably thought Jack the ripper has risen from the grave.

So by the time we got there i kinda had to jump in and improvise a new battle sequence at this beach in a very limited time. it turned out great we all did great team work.

I suggest you watch it HD. credits are at the end. I hope you enjoy the show. get some popcorn.

/* */

Live Action War Movie I Filmed